Pet Humor

Dog Etiquette

Basic House Rules for Dogs

  1. If you have to throw up, get into a chair, QUICKLY! If you can’t manage that in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, any good rug will do.
  2. ALWAYS accompany guests to the bathroom. It’s not necessary to do anything; just sit and stare.
  3. Do not allow closed doors in ANY room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and hammer with your forepaws.
  4. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled with food.
  5. Once a door is opened, it’s not necessary to use it. After you’ve ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and halfway out and think about several things. It’s particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.
  6. Begin people training early. You’ll then have a smooth-running household. Humans need to know the basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.

New Dog Cross Breeds

  1. Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
  2. Pointer + Setter = Pointsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
  3. Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
  4. Pekingese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog
  5. Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
  6. Terrier + Bulldog = Terri bull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
  7. Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
  8. Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by… oh, well, it doesn’t matter anyway
  9. Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
  10. Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that’s true to the end
  11. Bull Terrier + Shitzu = Oh, never mind…
  12. Retriever + Irish Setter = Resetter, a dog that can set your VCR for you.